I was talking with a childless, married friend today and she was surprised to read on this blog that we are considering another child. I've said for a long time that one is plenty for me. As I typed an e-mail to me, I had a revelation about why I am now open to another (not certain though), after saying for so long that I was done. It's because I've finally become comfortable in my mommy skin. Parenthood has taken more of a toll on me than anything in my life. It should, right? But I never expected what I got when I became a mom. And up until about 4-5 months ago, I just didn't feel "right." I didn't feel like everything had clicked for me. The challenges of raising a child felt like giant mountains that I couldn't even think about climbing.
It all changed when Myles started communicating with us. He was a late bloomer when it came to verbal communication. I even had him assessed early in the year for a speech and/or developmental disorder. But when the words started flowing more - around 22-23 months - I suddenly felt like I could do this. He and I began connecting on deeper levels (although I always felt connected to him and have deeply loved him since I first laid eyes on him). As we began communicating, I felt like I could better understand him. It was extremely powerful in helping me move past my insecurities as a mom and embracing the challenge.
I recognize now that parenthood is filled with constant ups and downs. The ups are tremendous highs and the lows can be pretty scary. 18 months was the scariest for us thus far, with tantrums and self-destructive behavior at their peak. And while we're on a high right now, I know the next low is right around the corner. As I've heard from many moms, raising a child doesn't get easier, just different. I know that is true. The struggles of raising a newborn were nothing like those of raising a toddler. Now, as Myles enters the "older toddler" stage, the challenges we do face are once again new.
Now that I've accepted this - and am OK with it and confident in my abilities as a mom - I am willing to entertain the idea of giving Myles a sibling. Of course, Billy still needs to be convinced (as does the "logical" side of me). But you never know!
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3 comments:
I totally know where you're coming from. I didn't have a maternal bone in my body, right up until I was 33. I had just married my hubby (we had been together for 10 years before that so he took a big gamble with me knowing I might never have children).
I had my first when I was 34, my second 3 years later and I think had we started sooner we would have had a 3rd. I am too bloody knackered and run ragged to even contemplate it now, but oh glad I am that I went down the route of sleepless nights, tantrums and never having a moment's peace!
Having two is even harder but even more rewarding . . .
Jenna,
You and Bill know that I come down on the side of "multiple siblings", as opposed to the singlet child. It is more difficult by far as you have so many obstacles every day with each one of them to overcome..........but, it is also amazing to watch the gentle side of the boys come out when playing with their sister, or watching them work something out together...and, I think it is all worth it knowing that they will always have each other in life to turn to. Never easy, yet always rewarding.
I totally know how you feel! I'm a working mom too and have decided just to stick with one, but it has gotten much easier. Sometimes I feel guitly, but having one was so stressful for me, I don't think I can handle two - much less my marriage or my finances! Do what feels right and if the baby bugg strikes again, go for it if it's what you want, but never feel like you HAVE to give him a sibling. I feel like that is just the pressure of society making us feel like we have to be like everyone else.
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