I was talking to my co-worker yesterday about the need for so many "sick/personal" days when you have a little one. My place of employment only offers five sick days, four personals and ten vacation days until you've been with the company for five years.
Since I've had Myles, I burn through the sick days before we're halfway through the year and I always need to use at least two personal days for sickness as well. Then I have the daycare, which is closed for many more holidays than my place of employment. At my job, we only get SIX holidays. The daycare is closed for those six holidays PLUS six and one half additional. Well, even if my husband and I split those days, I've now burned through all of my personal days, plus a vacation day.
The co-worker then mentioned that when her boys were younger, she and her other working mom friends would take turns watching the kids on the days when they were scheduled to work, but the daycare was closed. They rotated holidays. What a great idea, I thought!
Then it hit me...in my circle of friends, I am THE ONLY ONE who has a traditional, 9-5 job! Yes, I do have other working mom friends, but they all have the type of job where they work when they are able and are not required to be in the office for 40 long, specific hours, like me.
About half of my friends are SAHMs. But I do have a few who work. One friend sells promotional products and does much of her work at home. She gets a sitter when she needs to go to the office, or puts her sons in a mother's morning out program. Another works for her husband...from home. Yet another is a wedding planner who works for herself and makes her own hours. A fourth works mostly from home and goes into the office one day a week. And another is a speech and language pathologist, who also makes her own hours and does her own thing.
When I come to realizations like this, I immediately begin to feel isolated. Like nobody understands me. Like I'm alone in this fight to help provide for my family while still trying to be a great mom and wife. Then I start feeling like I'm losing, even if I'm not.
I appreciate that I've met a few 9-5ers through this blog. And really, I know I'm not the only mom out there who works 9-5. Sometimes it just feels that way.
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8 comments:
I too work a traditional job and wonder about a job that had more flexibility -- then I realize that sometimes those other jobs 1.) don't pay the bills and/or 2.) those moms end up working all the time. Even though my job is every day until 5 (and that seems early to the people I'm working with), when I'm off, I'm off (for the most part.) I get a lot of quality time in the evening and on weekends.
From reading your blog, I think you do the same. It seems you are always present with Myles -- which some SAHMs can't say.
And ... to maybe make you feel better ... I too don't get as many holidays off as the daycare gives and I wish I had even one personal day (we only get 5 sick days and 10 vacation).
It's hard, but we do what we need to do.
I'm here, I'm one of those moms. Thankfully, I work for a small company and am the director of the department,requiring to be out of the office a lot anyways, so I'm flexible there and my employer doesn't count the days. However, and I do mean, a big however, I don't feel it is fair to my employer to be out more than normal vacation/sick schedule like you mentioned in your post. I never want to take advantage of the situation.
As long as the U.S. is re-vamping everything else in gov't, why not re-vamp the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA). We are WAY behind other countries in the treatment of working parents!
On the other hand, I'm glad I'm a working mom, couldn't imagine doing anything different. I firmly believe that I am a better parent because I work, and that my child is a happier child for the same reasons. My personality does not suit stay at home life. And my child is at no disadvantage because of this.
I could talk about this all day!
Thanks for the comments Alicia & Family Life. It's good to know that other moms do understand and more importantly, can relate. I, too, am choosing to work after trying the SAHM job for 6 months and knowing it wasn't for me.
It just puts a lot of stress on me when I feel things are always "coming up," like somebody being sick, another day that the daycare is closed, etc. And I feel I never actually get to take a real vacation because so many of my days are used for these types of reasons.
My husband helps when he can but he is in sales and therefore can't take time off during "end of quarter months" - March, June, Sept, and Dec. Plus, since he makes more money and really has more career ambition than me at this point in our lives, we are less willing to sacrifice him missing a day when he really shouldn't.
I too could talk about it all day. There are so many pluses and yet so many struggles for working moms. I guess that's why there are so many books and now blogs on how to make it all work.
Jenna - I will soon be in your boat. I'm freaking out that I can only afford to take 6 weeks off paid...as long as AFLAC doesn't screw me.
Staying at home is not for me either, but I would enjoy having a few more days off a year for daycare holidays and such.
Don't worry, you are not alone as a working mom:)
It's so hard to find the right mix. FOUR of my SAHM-friends are having babies in September, so I think my world is about to get QUIET, ha. I wish I had words of wisdome, but unfortunately do not. But I am here to listen!
Working part time would be ideal for me...or a condensed day so I could still see Riley off to school and pick him up afterwards..but that's just not feasible financially. At my job there are many moms (mostly with kids in the 8 to 12 range) and we all agree there are never enough sick days...and who really wants to use your vacation days just because the daycare decided to close...that makes the real vacations (for us in the summer months) just that much shorter!
OH, HELLO. You are speaking my LANGUAGE!! So glad you stopped by my blog and said hi!
This IS so tough -- I'm like you, I have no friends who work 9-5 like I do. It makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong, not working for myself or "making my own hours." But I don't think I COULD be an entreprenuer... oh, I have had similar conversations with my head as you're having here.
Jenna, I'm with you! The 9-5'er is a pain. A necessary pain, unfortunately. I wish that I could do the part-time thing, but financially that is just not an option. It does get frustrating for me too. My husband is off all summer with V (he is a teacher).
I do agree with Alicia and Family Life. I am a great mum and my working fulltime in no way reflects on my parenting skills. But sometimes I just long for endless days with Vince...
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