Last week, I lost someone who I loved. I am not ready to blog about it right now, as the wound is too fresh and too painful. But the whole experience took a part of me that I fear I'll never get back. It left me incredibly sad and hurting.
Through it all, I tried to maintain my composure and continue being the mom Myles needed me to be. That proved to be very difficult. I was able to take a few days off work - and I sent Myles to day care each day so that I could handle my emotions. But even after having the days to myself, I struggled with keeping up my energy level at night and having the pep that is so needed when spending time with Myles.
Even today, over a week after the loss, I'm not myself. Yes, things have greatly improved...I've been back to work all week and trying to carry on my life. And I guess it's helped that we've been so busy with swim lessons and planning for summer vacation. But I'm not myself. I know it and Myles knows it.
How do you cope with your parenting duties when you are hurting emotionally? Do you just go day-by-day and figure it out, as I've been doing? It seems I'm just going through the motions, including being a parent. I'm at a loss and simply hoping that emotional healing will come soon.
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2 comments:
Jenna...sorry about your loss.
In our adoption community, parents often talk about not feeling that instant, head over heals parent love for the new children. The best advice is FAKE IT UNTIL YOU FEEL IT.
I think that is what you need to do around Myles. When you have time away from him, it is OK to do whatever you need to to cope with you loss, but around him..FAKE NORMAL, until it just starts happening again for you.
It's OK to let him know that you are sad too though.
I am very sorry to hear that you lost someone close to you! My thoughts and prayers are with you.
It's so hard to keep our emotions in check and not take the hurt (or in my case usually frustration) out on them...to keep being the happy, positive mom they need is sometimes very difficult. Just do your best darling...no one will ever ask anymore than that of you.
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