I read an article today in which several psychologists were asked what they believe to be the single most important parenting role. Two of the psychologists basically answered with just "being" with your child.
Of course, other important roles were mentioned (or implied) by everyone...providing boundaries, showing unconditional love, and knowing what makes your individual child tick. But just "being there" is something that really stood out to me.
I've always believed in the importance of being there for Myles. With that said, I think if you're going to "be there," you have to be in the right mindset. This is a huge reason I returned to work. Being there 24/7 was mentally and physically demanding enough that I wasn't the person I really wanted to be with him much of the time.
So I wondered...is it better to spend 80 hours per week with him, 25 of which are probably great, 30 of which are so-so and 25 of which are difficult due to my attitude, exhaustion or feeling like I'm neglecting my own needs? Or is it better to spend 40 hours with him, over a much more spread out time period, with 30 of those hours great, 5 so-so, and another 5 not so good? It's obvious what we decided was best for our family.
I really don't look back. Aside from having some of the typical working mom guilt that society often places on us, I know this is best for Myles, me and Billy. I am so excited to spend time with Myles most nights. We plan really fun things every weekend. We make the most of our time together.
But I digress...I've already talked about this in previous blogs. The topic at hand is "being there." How exactly is one to "be there"?
For me...tonight, at least, I made sure to spend plenty of time focusing on nothing but him. Listening to him. Really hanging on some of his words. Making him feel important.
We didn't do anything overly special. We spent a little time coloring, we read a couple of books, we took a bath together and recited some favorite lines from songs.
But it was really nice. We connected through laughter, eye contact, and being the center of each other's world...just for those precious moments. I hope I was successful in "being there" for Myles tonight.
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6 comments:
I WILL get to your photo tag....=)
I think you've found a way to balance your needs with Myles. I think the quality of time spent together is really important.
You're doing a great job. Remember statistics are just that...there are ALWAYS exceptions...
We are in the same boat...Staying home was/is not my ideal. Besides the time the kids spend in daycare makes them that much more ready for school when the time comes.
It's not about how much time...but the quality of the time together that really matters.
It was such a surprise to me when I realized that being a stay at home mom was not for me, either. But I know myself. And I know my child. She requires constant activity and interaction with many. I require some "other than mommy" time (even if it IS work....) For now, this is the best solution for us.
It's so true, and yet so hard. I always find myself drawn to the computer or laundry or dishes, and am never just sitting on the floor palying with them!
It totally is about the quality time. I know I am so not cut out for the sahm thing. But admire the people who do. It's just not for me. But I relish the time I spend with Vincent... every moment is pure joy (even when it involves screaming and poop) :)
I finally got to your picture posting....go check it out....=)
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